Rainy Day Musings

“Sometimes we can only find our true direction when we let the wind of change carry us”. 

Mimi Novic

Today has been another cozy, rainy day in Norfolk. Another day where I am grateful to be healthy and surrounded by the many wonderful people in my life. It is such a blessing having an incredibly supportive family and friends who I know will always have my back. The more people I meet, the more I realize that isn’t universal to everyone. Even though there are empty chairs at family gatherings now, I’m comforted by the promise that we no longer have to say goodbye, but instead can say see you later. As I chase my vocation going through medical school, I’m fortunate to be surrounded with mentors and role models I can look up to. There are so many days I stop in my tracks, taken aback by how fortunate I am to be here. Every day I get to learn how to care for people and am continually amazed by how truly fearfully and wonderfully made we are. As I begin to form my identity professionally, I hope to never lose my personal identity in the process. May I always be a sponge, absorbing everything I can, so I can use that knowledge in service of my patients. We never really are done learning. There’s something to gain from each experience and everyone that crosses our path has something to teach us. We often meet patients and families during the worst times of their lives, and many are understandably angry and afraid. One option would be to respond in frustration. The other to show grace and respond with empathy and compassion. So many people these days are overwhelmed by fatigue, drained on a physical, emotional and spiritual level. Let us look out for one another, never losing sight of what sets our soul on fire.

I love now having cooler weather and the tendency toward change each new season brings. Change is both exciting and scary at the same time. It’s in our nature as humans to want to feel in control, know what is going to happen next and plan for the future. Of course, human nature has rarely ever led us in the right direction. So many of the moments in my life God has showed up most were during big transitions- during times I was unsure of the direction I was supposed to take. I look back and laugh as I think about the crazy process of getting accepted into medical school. I at first was annoyed having to wait after graduating college, but those three years allowed me to grow in confidence and independence. They prepared me to thrive as a medical student. When I was deciding whether to continue to apply after being beaten down time and again with rejections, I asked whether being a doctor was part of the plan for my life. My answer was first acceptance into the masters program I completed, which eventually led to my acceptance into medical school. The school wasn’t my first choice, but I finally was going to get to be a doctor. I was still waiting for an update from EVMS and kept finding myself asking where I was supposed to attend medical school. EVMS was a great fit and I truly felt it was where I was meant go, but summer came and there was still no movement from the waitlist. I thought that must have been my answer, so I prepared to move to a new city. When I then finally told others on Facebook I would be attending the other school, I swear He started laughing and said “I’m just kidding. I have other plans for you.”

Now here I am, in my third year at EVMS and I couldn’t be happier. Each step along the way, I’ve been right where I needed to be at that moment in time. As I approach yet another transition and am beginning to think about residency training, I am again filled with that same, familiar uncertainty. I am trying to keep an open mind about different specialties during my rotations and have no clue where I want to attend residency, but I look forward to seeing which field of medicine I’m drawn to and where life takes me next. Every time fear of the unknown threatens to overwhelm me, I stop and remind myself the path will be revealed to me in time. It might not be a path I planned for or thought I wanted, but it will be the path I need and for that I am grateful.