Spreading My Wings

“Trust in your innate wisdom. Your instincts know what is going on, long before your mind has caught up. “

Leon Brown

Recently, I’ve been working in our outpatient family medicine clinic on campus. As the year continues, I realize how much I thrive in the clinic setting. It is truly my happy place. I love bouncing from room to room, each patient with their own unique story. The pace satisfies my ADD tendencies and love for talking to people. My preceptors have been incredibly kind and encouraging as well brilliant clinicians. Their passion for teaching as well as patient care filled each room. The wealth of experience they bring to the table is truly amazing. With one question or examination movement, they find that missing puzzle piece and immediately know how to intervene. Each student and resident felt supported and comfortable, which gave us ample space to grow. I immediately was adopted as part of the team and never once worried that I was speaking out of turn by offering my impressions and plans or providing education to patients. Between patients, we talked about life, our next steps, cracked jokes and shared photos of our families.

The impact we were having on our patients’ lives was also abundantly clear. We had a patient with a history of chronic pain who had been treated dismissively by several different providers in the past. She hadn’t seen any doctor aside from her pain management physician for years because she trusted no one else. As a student, everyone says that we have the privilege of time with our patients, but I often feel pressure to work efficiently and not waste others’ time. In the clinic, each appointment is 20 minutes long and it can be easy to get behind. Our residents want to keep things moving and understandably so. No one wants to keep patients waiting. When I entered that room, however, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was exactly where I was meant to be. It was one of those moments that you feel deep in your bones. Nothing could have moved me from that spot. I was so lucky to have the privilege of hearing her story and the opportunity to create a safe space for her to express her frustrations and concerns. She took a chance by coming to our clinic and was clearly worried that we would be no different and let her down like so many others had. If we cut her off or dismissed her yet again, I doubt she would ever come back. By the end of the visit, we were able to start the process of getting her up to date on vaccines and screenings and she noticeably had relaxed. As she left the clinic, she gave me a hug that so clearly said thank you for caring.

Moments like that are so rewarding and why I was drawn to medicine in the first place. I want to leave an impact on patients’ lives just like the doctors that have cared for me changed mine. As I finish my last two rotations and look toward the away rotations, interviews and organized chaos surrounding the Match that will fill my next year, I will keep experiences like these close to my heart. I pray that I will never become too busy, sleep-deprived or self-important that I become frustrated with patients or those I work with.  We are all human and deserve to be treated with dignity and compassion. Anything less does harm and leaves a scar that you can’t ever take back.