Take Your Shot

“History has it’s eyes on you.”

Hamilton

Sorry all, I’ve neglected this blog! I’ve been savoring these last few weeks before I return to the hospital. I’ve been spending time with family and friends, learning all I can about various residency programs, preparing my residency application and attempting to study for my next board exam in two weeks. I had the opportunity to help revamp the orientation for the third years who are about to start rotations and answer their questions about transitioning to the clinical years. I’m super excited to start working with the first and second years as well as a mentor and clinical skills facilitator when they arrive on campus.

The next year is certainly going to look different, as masks become the new norm, classes remain online when possible and interviews are conducted virtually. Needless to say, change is hard. We all could use some hope in these uncertain times. Recently a sliver of hope, for me at least, came from an unlikely source: the release of the #HamilFilm on Disney +. My friends and I recently watched it, and I was captivated from beginning to end. I can’t wait to rewatch it, because there’s so much to unpack. That’s what I love about a good theatre production or concert, it entertains while also making you think. Three themes stuck out to me as I soaked in the show: the desire to be heard and recognized, the importance of taking a stand for what you believe in and determining the kind of legacy you want to leave.

In the beginning of the film, we are introduced to Alexander Hamilton. He arrives in New York as a poor immigrant with no family or money, but gifted with a brilliant mind and a fierce desire to prove himself. We are then introduced to his rival, Aaron Burr. In contrast to Hamilton, who wants more than anything to be recognized and won’t “throw away his shot” at the spotlight, Burr wants to have a seat at the table in “the room where it happens”. The theme that women, people of color and immigrants must work ten times harder to get as far as those with more privilege and be recognized for their work is woven throughout the show. Hamilton furiously writes to anyone who will read his work to ensure his voice is heard. He isn’t afraid to raise his voice or make a controversial statement. Burr takes a different strategy, making sure not to ruffle feathers and connect himself with those in power to get ahead. This is the beginning of the disagreement between the two leading men. Burr cautions Hamilton that angering the wrong people could get you killed. Hamilton responds by challenging Burr, asking him “If you stand for nothing, what will you fall for?” To the founding fathers, the status quo had been in place for too long. In order to make change, someone had to rock the boat. Sometimes, it takes being loud and pushing back against those in charge to create change. Niceties don’t always cut it. Sometimes you have to take a stand.

Don’t these two gentlemen illustrate the dilemma many of us face? We feel the need to fight to make the environments we live, work and learn in better. Look at medical students, where documented differences in board scores exist between women and men or students of color and white students. These scores are more a reflection of privilege than actual clinical ability. Our letters of recommendation and clinical evaluation even contain different language if you compare the same groups. Too many who do bring up discrepancies like these are met with calls to keep quiet or are told they are being “unprofessional”. How do we resolve the conflict between the desire to stand up for ourselves and our own survival? I don’t pretend to have the answers, but I hope that as future leaders we have the courage to be change agents who don’t take “this is just how we do things here” for an answer. If there’s a better way to approach a problem, let’s do that.

As Hamilton approaches the major events in his life, he ponders the legacy he will leave behind. Not guaranteed that tomorrow will come, he wonders who will tell his story when he’s gone. At the end of the day, we want to feel that what we did mattered. It won’t matter how much money we made, how big our house was or how successful we were in the eyes of society. What will matter is there are friends and family who love us and feeling that we made a difference in the world. So instead of chasing fame and fortune like Hamilton, whose loved ones wondered if he would ever be content, let’s learn to be content where we are. There’s so much more to life than the next promotion, the next paycheck or the next exam. As we figure out what life is going to look like when COVID 19 is a distant memory, let’s prioritize the people and activities that bring us joy rather than racing to climb the social ladder. Then maybe we too can learn to be satisfied.