White Coat

“The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.”

Fydor Dostoyevsky

This week, I started my acting internship in Internal Medicine. For this rotation, I have a role similar to that of a first-year resident and work with the general adult medicine inpatient team. It feels great to be back in the hospital and seeing patients. For those who weren’t keeping track, I’ve been away from rotations since March! I was going stir crazy to say the least. I love being part of the team caring for patients and learning from everyone. There is so much to be gained from clinical experiences that you can’t get from a textbook or lecture. It’s that piece I have been craving as I get closer to applying to residency and eventually having responsibility for patients.

As a fourth-year student, we no longer have exams after each rotation. Since I have already taken part two of our board exam, that means no more exams for the rest of medical school! Not having to study for the next test means I’m free to study whatever I want. Lately, that has meant listening to medical podcasts for fun. They’re such a great way to pass my commute to and from the hospital and I love the tips and tricks I gather. In the hospital, I have been able to gradually take on more responsibility. I’ve been calling consults, contacting other members of the healthcare team with updates and helping complete other tasks for the day. The ability to take concrete steps to implement my patient’s care plan helps me feel I’ve had an impact and brings meaning to my work.

Three years ago today, I started medical school. Now I’m preparing to apply for residency and am wondering where the time has gone. My friends in the EVMS chapter of the Gold Humanism Honor Society created a video for the incoming first year class who began their medical journey today. They spoke about what the white coat means to them and how that meaning has changed over time. It got me thinking about the symbolism of the white coat, the way I felt putting it on for the very first time and how much it has meant to me. Those who know me, know I did not get into medical school right away.  I applied three times and completed a Masters degree before being accepted. Putting on my white coat, I’m reminded of my persistence and dedication to becoming an excellent doctor. Since I was a little girl I’ve wanted to repay all the kindness and care I have received from my physicians over the years. To serve that role for someone one day would be priceless. I have also received an incredible amount of support and mentorship along the way, which has been invaluable. The ability to pass on what I’ve learned as a mentor now and in the future means more than words can express.

Medicine truly is a calling and the white coat unites us under a common mission: serving our patients. Surrounded by others with similar goals and values, I’m filled with a sense of belonging and camaraderie. I would be naïve, however, to presume that everyone has had a similar experience. That’s simply not true. Many feel their personality, culture and language are not welcome in medicine. This must change. We are called to be advocates not only for our patients, but for our colleagues and community as well. Change must start with us. There is much to learn and I will make mistakes. There will be long hours and difficult times along the way. My white coat, however, will always serve as a reminder of why I pursued medicine in the first place.