Just Breathe

“In today’s rush we all think too much- seek too much- want too much- and forget the joy of just being.”

Eckhart Tolle

Happy Sunday everyone! Also, how is it already November? I know it’s been a while since I’ve written here. Honestly, I felt like I didn’t have much to say since I had the month off of rotations and was in a bit of a funk waiting for residency applications to be transmitted to programs. It’s such a big, daunting step. The unknowns of both how the process works and what’s in store for my future stirred up some major impostor syndrome. In case this wasn’t crystal clear in past posts, patience is hard for me with big things like this and I strongly dislike that feeling of being in limbo, not knowing what’s going to happen next. Of course, like so many other times in my life where I’ve dealt with uncertainty, God’s shown up and exceeded my wildest expectations. I’m fortunate to have been granted interviews at several incredible programs that I’m super excited about. Also, can I just say that my co-applicants are amazing. They’re such a fun group of people and have become fast friends. I would be thrilled to get to work with them in residency. I look forward to starting my interview season next week.

Last week, I began my rotation in our pediatric emergency department, which has been amazing. Everyone I’ve worked with has been kind and eager for me to learn new things. I’ve certainly kept busy going from room to room. All I learned on my cardiology rotation seems to have stuck, apparently. I’ve heard a couple of innocent murmurs and recognized a patient presentation I’d only seen in exam questions previously. Providing a listening ear for anxious parents and helping the team during procedures makes me feel like I’m contributing to the team. Likewise, simple things like my resident buying my lunch or my attending acknowledging a good idea make me feel my contributions are valued.

Though I’ve enjoyed being back in the hospital, I was so grateful for time to relax this weekend, away from the emergency room and chaos surrounding residency applications. Because the computer system that houses our applications was down for maintenance this weekend, I was able to detach myself from my laptop. I can’t tell you how incredibly freeing that was. My friends and I went to a local national park, had a campfire and just spent time with one another roasting hot dogs and making s’mores. I didn’t realize how much I needed that reprieve. Life doesn’t stop for medical school and I’m so glad for all the adventures my friends and I have had. These are the memories that will stick with me, not the answer to that one question on the exam or my class rank. In less than a year, we’ll be going our separate ways. Until then, I plan to savor every moment. I’m excited to see where life takes us and am so grateful to have such wonderful future colleagues.