Purpose

“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.”

Pablo Picasso

We finally made it to December! I am so ready for Christmas. I am looking forward to time with family and some much-needed rest. With the New Year nearly here, we are about three months away from Match Day and five months from graduation. Halfway through my residency interview journey, I find myself getting a better idea of what I’m looking for in a program. I love programs that show how much they care for one another, rather than telling us so. They truly are gems. As someone interested in medical education, hearing how programs will prepare you to not only be a great clinician, but also a great educator, is music to my ears. Residents who clearly get along well with one another, have fun and enjoy life outside of the hospital are my kind of people.

One of my favorite moments so far has been when interviewers reference bits of my letters of recommendation. We don’t get the chance to see them, so what your mentors have said about you is often a big question mark. Hearing how much they care is so nice, even though they’ve never been shy with their support and encouragement. Several interviewers have commented that they are impressed by my application, though imposter syndrome quickly steps in and leaves me wondering whether they’re just being nice. Why am I so quick to internally minimize these compliments? In the back of my mind I respond, not unlike my mother when recognized for the work she’s done in early childhood education, that I’m just doing my job. I truly am blessed to be here, working toward my vocation, and am grateful for the privilege.

Last week at church, our pastor was talking about discerning our purpose in life and posed three questions to get us thinking: What makes you cry? What makes you excited? What are you good at?

What makes me cry? If you know me at all, you know I feel things deeply. I cry about sad things of course, but what hurts me to my core is seeing people that have been abused, bullied, dismissed and are hurting. There are so many people who feel unheard, who just want someone to listen. They’re scared and asking for our help. They’re why I chose medicine. Having a doctor who’s been in their patients’ shoes makes such a difference. Hearing patients talk about how much they love their doc because they “get it” resonates with me so much. From my own experience, I couldn’t agree more. Having that connection as a patient is special. Seeing doctors who are patients too and embrace their personal experiences as a driving factor for why they chose their fields is everything. My experiences as a patient and my future as a doctor are so intimately connected that I couldn’t separate them if I tried. I can’t wait to be able to be the doctor that “gets it” for my patients.  

What makes me excited? In any career, it’s important to find what gives you energy. There are going to be moments where your work becomes routine, aspects of your day that you don’t enjoy. Finding the things that will get you out of bed in the morning are important to preventing burnout. I live for spontaneous patient hugs, hearing patient’s stories, and the look on a child’s face when I help them hear their own heartbeat. I love teaching patients and students and seeing the lightbulb go off when they get a challenging concept. Helping people realize they can do hard things and know more than they think is so rewarding. I love that I can get to both care for patients and teach the whole team.

What am I good at? I’m good at listening. I get along well with most and help bring people together to accomplish a common goal. Communication is a strength of mine and I follow through when I say I’ll do something. I stick with hard problems with a stubborn determination until a solution is found and always strive to do my very best. I love being part of the medical team, working with patients with complex social and medical needs to help them reach their goals. I love research as an opportunity to dive into a topic, identify a problem and find solutions to fix it. I’m grateful to have found Med-Peds and medical education, which are wonderful fits for my strengths and will allow me to fulfill my purpose.