“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’”
Fred Rogers
Much has changed since I last wrote here! I was deep into my surgery rotation and in a haze of sleep deprivation, but enjoying following my patients, seeing new surgeries and being challenged by attendings who kept me on my toes and constantly learning. Then came COVID-19, social distancing and the eventual halting of rotations. Now thousands of medical students are away from the hospital, graduations and Match Days have been cancelled, and we’re all trying to figure out what’s next.
Personally, I am feel torn between my desire to stay safe, do my part by staying home (I’m currently in MN with my family) and a fierce desire to do anything and everything to help those on the front lines of this pandemic. I’m not one to sit idly by. We got into this field to help people, so sitting home seems hypocritical at best. I’m so glad that those at my medical school are working on creative ways to utilize our talents while away from the hospital. Inspired by #medstudenttwitter, I started organizing fellow students who are able and willing to help with childcare for our colleagues and we are now up to 30 volunteers. We just reached out to our residents and fellows and I’m hopeful we are able to provide some relief to them during this time.
There’s much we don’t know about what the next days and weeks hold. Fear is rampant. I see it in bare grocery shelves and in stores forced to ration toilet paper and hand soap. I see it in my classmates who want to know what the end of our academic year is going to look like. The truth is, no one really has the answers. We’re all just doing the best that we can, given the information that we have. It’s easy to bicker with one another, but if we’re going to get through this, we need to work together.
Give one another grace and exercise patience. Check in on one another. There are many with mental illnesses which are triggered by isolation, children who rely on school as a source of food, and countless who are now unemployed and don’t know how they’re going to make rent. These times are harder on them than on those of us privileged to have a loving home to go to and not worry about going without. Social distancing doesn’t have to mean social isolation. FaceTime your friends, relatives and neighbors, play games online together, have a virtual happy hour. In time, we will be able to return to work and school, be reunited with our friends and colleagues, visit loved ones living in nursing homes or far away. What a joyous day that will be, full of hugs and laughter! Until then, the best thing we can do is stay home so those on the front lines stay safe and, for those with faith, pray with all our might.
“There is no force equal to a woman determined to rise.”
W.E.B. Dubois
This week has been a marathon to say the least! Between two call shifts and my regular clerkship duties this week, we also had career advising sessions, mid-rotation evaluations and our regular rotation representative meeting to discuss student feedback. I can’t say enough how much I appreciate the efforts EVMS takes to help us achieve our career goals. Organizing an event where busy physicians from at least 10 different specialties came to campus to talk to us about the residency application process and provide tips for the upcoming year is no small feat. It was reassuring to hear that I am right on track for obtaining a Med-Peds residency position. Funny enough, it seems that the projects and experiences I’ve been drawn to from the beginning are a great fit for what programs want to see in applicants. Apparently, it seems that I’ve been Med-Peds at heart from the beginning. Who knew?
I also sent in my first application for an outside rotation (at the University of Minnesota) this week, which is super exciting. It’s slowly sinking in that in a year, I’ll be finding out where I’m going to be training for the next four years. Looking into different programs has been entertaining to say the least. One program has a Harry Potter style House Cup competition each year, and there are others whose residents’ personalities shine through their profiles. I look forward to the opportunity to travel, visit new places and see which programs I find are a good fit. I could only hope that I find a program that is as supportive as I’ve found EVMS to be.
Thinking about those everyone who has helped me get where I am today on this #InternationalWomensDay, so many influential figures in my life are female. When we were young, my mom stayed home with us while getting her teaching certification. She taught preschool for many years before becoming a preschool program director and now works as the early childhood program director for the largest school district in Minnesota. From her, I learned the importance of education and always being professional. I owe my heart for teaching others and giving back to her. She has done so many great things like organizing transportation for children who otherwise wouldn’t be able to attend preschool or providing backpacks for kids in need who didn’t have school supplies at home. She of course will brush it off, saying that’s just her job but she’s just being humble. Her leadership has made a lasting impact on the programs she’s a part of as well as on us. “Tichs are leaders, not followers” was a common refrain in our household growing up and still rings true today.
My sister is my best friend. I can tell her anything and can always count on her for advice or a good laugh. She’s always good about helping me process things, but when I’m too far gone into my head, she’s certainly never afraid to snap me out of it. She’s worked her way into the corporate world with a company she loves and is great at what she does. I do miss team fitness classes with her though. Her passion for causing us pain was unparalleled, but I was in the best shape when I was working out with her. She’s an incredible mom and I love seeing the life she and my brother-in-law Cory are building for Maverick. From her, I’ve learned the importance of not taking yourself too seriously and making sacrifices for those you love.
My aunts, cousins and friends are all doing such amazing things. From working in research to law or the culinary arts, they show me that there is no limit to what a woman can do. What a powerful feeling! I love going home and seeing what everyone is up to and catching up. We always pick up right where we left off and it seems as if I’ve never left. I know that I can always rely on them to be there in the good times and the bad. We can’t get through this life on our own and there isn’t a group of people I would rather do it with.
My mentors and colleagues in medicine show me every day that #ILookLikeADoctor. Being surrounded by incredible role models who are brilliant clinicians, who hold so many different academic roles is incredible. There are women at EVMS who hold the title of Associate Dean, clerkship director, residency program director, department chair and any other you could imagine. They are also passionate mentors, incredible educators and even better people. Balancing professional responsibilities with being human, having a family, and other passions that bring you life is so difficult. They do it with such grace, though are unafraid to admit that it’s hard, that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s okay to ask for help. I’m so grateful for the examples of the women in my life and hope to pass what I’ve learned to the next generation.
“Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen and a push in the right direction.”
John C. Crosby
This week, I guarantee my grandfather is beaming ear to ear watching over me. Dare I say I’m actually having fun on my surgery rotation? I have been allowed to suture, suction, hold retractors, navigate the laparoscopic camera and *gasp* make an incision (all under the closest of supervision of course!). Writing these words, I am in awe that I have the opportunity to learn these things and do what I get to every day. It truly is an honor and a blessing. The deep trust patients place in surgeons to help them in their time of need is not taken lightly and is reflected in the unique ecosystem that is the OR. These last two weeks have been a crash course in learning an entirely new culture. The operating room has its own rules, norms and language. Surgery is a world of split-second decisions, where one millimeter in the wrong direction can be the difference between life and death. It makes sense then, that everything from washing your hands to donning your gown and gloves is done a certain way every time. Even each instrument has its place so that it can be found immediately when needed. There is beauty to the order.
Lest anyone gets a crazy idea that I am no longer team #Med-Peds, holding a scalpel was wild and cool, but that kind of power is not something I could shoulder every day! In my precious spare time, I’ve been getting ready to apply for away rotations and researching residency programs. It’s crazy how time has flown. With only one more rotation between me and my last year of medical school, I find myself thinking about how far I’ve come. Just two short years ago, I was a timid first year who was in a new state, who knew no one and who was just happy to be given a chance. Now, I’ve found confidence in my knowledge and ability as a future clinician. I’ve published a manuscript, presented my research at several conferences and met some incredible people along the way. Sitting at a conference on Friday with several of my mentors, where I had the opportunity to present a poster about my role as an advocate for my classmates and how our feedback has shaped the curriculum, I was overwhelmed with gratitude and pride.
I left the conference wondering how many students actually have mentors in their area of interest who they trust to guide them. Medicine is undoubtedly a team sport. You need a squad by your side to support you and show you the way. Neither of my parents are in medicine, so I’ve had to take the initiative to put myself out there and find mentors on my own to coach me along this journey. In the end, my mentors were people I just gravitated to. They’re people who care about me as a person and whom I trust. They encourage me to think big and aim for goals loftier than I could ever have imagined myself. For those who are quieter and introverted, finding mentors can be challenging and uncomfortable. Throw imposter syndrome into the mix trying to trick you into feeling like you’d be wasting Dr. X’s time asking for help, and you have a serious dilemma. Don’t even get me started about how this is exponentially more difficult for women and underrepresented groups in medicine.
In the first two years, our clinical skills facilitators serve as academic/career advisors and our early clinical experiences are often limited to general Internal Medicine, Pediatrics and Family Medicine. If there is a mismatch between your area of interest and your preceptor’s specialty, you’re at a relative disadvantage. This is even more true if you have an interest in a surgical specialty, which there is often minimal exposure to prior to third year. Students have to find their own experiences on their own time to learn about specialties to which they haven’t been exposed. This is difficult when students feel such intense pressure to perform well in the classroom and on their board exams. For many competitive specialties, third year is nearly too late for students to decide to pursue a specialty as they require significant research in the field and other outside experience.
Expanding our current mentoring pool, helping connect students with individuals in their current specialty of interest and providing more clinical exposure in the preclinical years is something I would love to see. It would help students make connections and find career advisors well before third year, who can connect them with research opportunities and provide advice about what residency programs want in applicants. When I first applied to medical school, I had no clue what I was doing. I had no one to help me either. Needless to say, I was unsuccessful. I don’t plan to make the same mistakes applying to residency and hope to help others learn from my experience.
“Don’t avoid the difficult conversations for fear of loss. Nothing is gained through avoidance. While you might risk losing if you face it head on, there is also the potential to gain everything too.”
Melody Jean
This week was the first of my surgery rotation. To say I was nervous is the understatement of the century. I haven’t had much experience in the OR and the thought of having someone’s life in your hands is so intense. Talk about stress! I have the utmost respect for surgeons because dang they work hard. I now am beginning to understand why my grandfather, who was an orthopedic surgeon, could fall asleep pretty much anywhere. I’ve definitely been tired!
I’ve found those I’ve worked with to be kind and willing to teach those who are willing to learn. Their patience with my lack of experience has been so encouraging. I’ve had the opportunity to place a suture, move the laparoscopic camera during procedures and have managed not to break the sterile field! I’d call that success. There is also a nurse practitioner on the team who will come to see who’s around if she is going to remove a chest tube or some other cool thing. This rotation more than most has been trial by fire. I appreciate being thrown into the deep end. It forces me to get past my comfort zone and learn something new. Otherwise, I tend to avoid uncomfortable things. Though I don’t plan to pursue a career in surgery, like one of my mentors put so nicely, when else am I going to get this experience? I plan to take advantage of every second.
It’s so easy to get wrapped up in grades, the Match, board scores etc. All of these seem important now, but they truly don’t matter at the end of the day. People will remember whether you’re a good person, how you treated them, and that you did the right thing. When we’re tired, studying for the next test, and trying to plan the next year, it’s easy to lose that perspective. By hyperfocusing on the small stuff, you miss the big picture. Your patient who loves to crack jokes is happy to have a warm bed and food to eat. The patient who doesn’t want to trouble you for more medication for her pain and nausea reminds you of your grandmother.
When visiting a patient earlier this week, I had the privilege of observing our nurse practitioner have an end of life discussion with her and her family. She handled the situation with such grace. She provided the needed information, allowed the family to process what had been said, and when prompted she offered her perspective. Most of all, she provided a space for shared decision making. I was immediately reminded of my grandmother and how she had put off similar conversations for so long, not wanting to burden her children. Everyone was caught off guard. In the end, we didn’t have much time to process what was happening before she passed. In contrast, my mother’s parents had made their wishes known many years ago. Everything was documented clearly, so there was no question what they wanted. Having these conversations and making your preferences known takes such a burden off of loved ones who are grieving and don’t have the bandwidth to make these gut-wrenching decisions. I’m so glad that in medical school we’ve talked about advanced directives and how important they are. These conversations need to occur, no matter how uncomfortable for all involved. The truth is, tomorrow is not guaranteed. We never know when we will be called home, but we can at least help our loved ones by being prepared for when that time comes.
“Trust in your innate wisdom. Your instincts know what is going on, long before your mind has caught up. “
Leon Brown
Recently, I’ve been working in our outpatient family medicine clinic on campus. As the year continues, I realize how much I thrive in the clinic setting. It is truly my happy place. I love bouncing from room to room, each patient with their own unique story. The pace satisfies my ADD tendencies and love for talking to people. My preceptors have been incredibly kind and encouraging as well brilliant clinicians. Their passion for teaching as well as patient care filled each room. The wealth of experience they bring to the table is truly amazing. With one question or examination movement, they find that missing puzzle piece and immediately know how to intervene. Each student and resident felt supported and comfortable, which gave us ample space to grow. I immediately was adopted as part of the team and never once worried that I was speaking out of turn by offering my impressions and plans or providing education to patients. Between patients, we talked about life, our next steps, cracked jokes and shared photos of our families.
The impact we were having on our patients’ lives was also abundantly clear. We had a patient with a history of chronic pain who had been treated dismissively by several different providers in the past. She hadn’t seen any doctor aside from her pain management physician for years because she trusted no one else. As a student, everyone says that we have the privilege of time with our patients, but I often feel pressure to work efficiently and not waste others’ time. In the clinic, each appointment is 20 minutes long and it can be easy to get behind. Our residents want to keep things moving and understandably so. No one wants to keep patients waiting. When I entered that room, however, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was exactly where I was meant to be. It was one of those moments that you feel deep in your bones. Nothing could have moved me from that spot. I was so lucky to have the privilege of hearing her story and the opportunity to create a safe space for her to express her frustrations and concerns. She took a chance by coming to our clinic and was clearly worried that we would be no different and let her down like so many others had. If we cut her off or dismissed her yet again, I doubt she would ever come back. By the end of the visit, we were able to start the process of getting her up to date on vaccines and screenings and she noticeably had relaxed. As she left the clinic, she gave me a hug that so clearly said thank you for caring.
Moments like that are so rewarding and why I was drawn to medicine in the first place. I want to leave an impact on patients’ lives just like the doctors that have cared for me changed mine. As I finish my last two rotations and look toward the away rotations, interviews and organized chaos surrounding the Match that will fill my next year, I will keep experiences like these close to my heart. I pray that I will never become too busy, sleep-deprived or self-important that I become frustrated with patients or those I work with. We are all human and deserve to be treated with dignity and compassion. Anything less does harm and leaves a scar that you can’t ever take back.
“It’s healthy to admit you’re not ok. ‘It’s ok to not be ok.’ It’s brave. But don’t let it win. Be sad. Have your moment, your day or week. Then do something bout it and be happy. For yourself.”
Jessie J.
As we have begun the new semester, I’ve been feeling the stress level on campus rising. The second years just completed their first practice exam for USMLE STEP 1 and are about to plunge head on into board review. Fourth years are wrapping up their residency interviews and getting ready to submit their rank lists for residency. My class is knee deep in rotations, deciding on specialties and preparing to apply for outside rotations next year. It’s also the time of year when decisions are being made about who in my class will be to be inducted into our two honor societies.
As all of these major events loom on the horizon and anxieties rise, I just want to put it out there that it’s okay to not be okay. Full disclosure, we nominated classmates for one of the honors societies at my medical school last week and based on those results a number were invited to move on in the application process. I didn’t get that email and that stung. I keep my blog positive in general because I truly have had so many wonderful experiences in medical school and I think there is way too much negativity on social media these days, but it’s important to acknowledge that not everything in life is going to be rainbows and unicorns. Like it or not, that’s part of the deal.
It can be so easy to get wrapped up in chasing that high board score, that honors on a rotation or exam, or those glowing evaluations. We want to be recognized for our hard work. It’s part of human nature and why people are invested in being chosen for these honor societies to begin with. Not to mention, they’re nice to have on your applications for residency in an era where STEP 1 mania rules. Trying to break out of this mold that’s been forged in medical education seems impossible sometimes. It is so entrenched in the culture around us and these things carry so much perceived weight.
When I find myself being swept away in thoughts about whether my preceptors like me, if I will be chosen for x,y or z, or how I’m going to do on the next exam, I need to consciously stop myself and remind myself why I’m in medicine in the first place and where my identity lies. Truth be told, that happens more than I’d like to admit. I’m not becoming a doctor for any prestige or awards and those three-digit scores will be meaningless 20 years from now. I’m here to learn how to serve my patients. Period. I’m also so much more than a future doctor. I’m a daughter, sister and fierce friend. I’m a black-belt, Hufflepuff and mezzo-soprano who loves to read and binge watch Marvel movies. Most importantly, the core of my identity lies in my faith. With it at the center of my life to guide me, I cannot go astray, and I know I will end up exactly where I am meant to be.
“Trust is the glue of life. It is the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”
Stephen Covey
This week, I started my family medicine rotation. I’m excited to see what it’s like to have the kind of continuity of care that allows you to know your patients like the back of your hand. It’s such a privilege to be let into a patient’s life that intimately. For many patients, navigating the healthcare system is a constant battle, one that many choose not to fight unless absolutely necessary. Whether they are faced with a lack of access to care or past experiences that left a sour taste in their mouth, we as future doctors are faced with an uphill battle to regain our patients’ trust. It takes time to build relationships where patients feel comfortable fully disclosing their concerns, but the result is something special.
I recently met a patient with sickle cell anemia who had been admitted to the hospital. As we got to know her, she talked about her experiences as a patient. At one hospital, she was questioned about whether her pain was real and denied medication because she couldn’t have been in that much pain. She knew to request the same team, from attending physician to nursing staff, because she trusted them to not ignore her. Later we were called to her room as she developed an episode of severe pain. Our resident calmly sat by her bedside and held her hand, reassuring her as her medications began to take effect. Once the episode subsided, she showed more concern about us than herself, not wanting us to see her in such pain. I was so moved by the gesture, struck by how fortunate I am to be so healthy and in awe of those who battle chronic pain with such grace every day.
As I move toward residency and become inundated by paperwork, phone calls and other daily tasks, I hope to never be too busy to listen to my patients. I know what it’s like to feel like no one is listening. I remember going to an urgent care during college, worried I had developed a skin infection. As I explained my concerns, the physician kept insisting I had injured my ankle despite my many attempts to tell him that there was nothing wrong with it. I lost all trust in him immediately. As patients, we know our bodies best. Collaborating with us gets you so much further than if we aren’t included in the discussion. Experiences like these are exactly why I am applying to Internal Medicine-Pediatrics residency. There are so many studies that show that outcomes are worse for patients with chronic conditions once they leave pediatric medicine. That’s plain unacceptable. Something needs to change and I’m ready to help fight to make it happen. If I can help at least one patient through continuing to see them as long as they’re comfortable or ensuring a smooth transition of care to an adult provider, then I will absolutely have done my job.
“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language. And next year’s words await another voice.”
T.S. Eliot
The end of the year is often a time of reflection. It allows us to see where we have been, where we are going and set goals for the year ahead. This year has certainly been an eventful one. I started this blog, presented my research at a national meeting for the first time, began my clinical rotations, decided on a specialty and published my first manuscript. I also attended my 5 year college reunion and have thoroughly enjoyed watching my nephew grow into a sweet, sassy and incredibly bright toddler. In the next year, I will be applying to residency, attending interviews and determining where I want to spend the next four years of my life. As much as I’ve grown over the past year, there’s always room for improvement. Since a new year is as good a time as any to start something new, I’ve set several goals for myself in 2020.
Read
I love to read and have been a bookworm ever since I can remember. After a long day, it can be hard to stop and take time to read, whether for studying or especially for fun. The guilt of not spending free time studying is real everybody. I just finished The Chronicles of Women in White Coats yesterday, which was one of the first new books I’ve read in a long time. This year, I want to make a point of making time to read something fun as well as something relating to my patients every day. Any suggestions are most welcome!
Make Time for Music
There’s a reason why they call music a universal language. Nothing puts me in a better mood than great music. I miss singing in choir something fierce. There is something magical about being surrounded by friends and working together to create something beautiful. Whatever happened earlier that day just melts away as you become enveloped by each verse. I always leave feeling better than I arrived. Joining an outside choir might be a bit ambitious at the moment, but I definitely want to commit to making rehearsals with my acapella group more regularly this year. I also want to try and perform more. It would be fun to sing at the hospital, even if it’s once a block.
Keep Writing
I realized this year how much I enjoy writing. In some ways keeping a blog has been therapeutic and helps me process what I’ve been experiencing on the wards. Also, taking the time to reflect helps me see lessons I might not have picked up on otherwise. I want to make sure to keep up with blogging throughout the next year. I’m sure I’ll have plenty of stories from the remainder of my rotations and eventually the interview trail to keep me busy for a while. Maybe I’ll even put together a book one day. Now that my manuscript has been published, it’s time for a new research challenge. I’ve got a new project in the works and am excited to start collecting data. Ideally, once I have some results, I’d love to get back to a conference this year. It’s so cool to see what new things people are doing and they’re an excellent networking opportunity.
Move More
With the busyness of rotations, I’m the first to admit that it’s easy for exercise to fall by the wayside. I miss having my sister’s team fitness class to keep me accountable. Having that appointment three days a week where all I was doing was exercising was so helpful. I need to do a better job of fitting gym time into my routine this semester. If I don’t practice what I recommend, how can I expect my patients to listen to what I have to say. I always feel better when I exercise regularly. It just takes time to get back into the habit. It’s only going to get harder once I get to residency, so might as well start now.
I have one more week at home before I begin the new year with my Family Medicine rotation. It’s been so nice to catch up with friends and family and recharge. I hope everyone had a restful holiday and I wish everyone the best in the year to come.
“The holiday season is the perfect time to reflect on our blessings and seek out ways to make life better for those around us.”
Terri Marshall
During our class meeting this week, we talked about planning our fourth-year schedules and getting ready for the residency application process. As I type these words, they’re hard to believe. There are so many moments where I’ve felt like I was just moving into my apartment and getting ready to meet my classmates for the first time. I still sometimes feel like the new kid in town, especially on rotations where I’m meeting a new team every week or sometimes even every day. Looking back though, it’s pretty amazing to see how far we’ve all come. I’ve made life-long friends, discovered skills I never knew I had and learned tons about myself and life (ok, maybe little medicine too). My friends and I have been to the beach more times than I can count, found the best sushi place in town, held one another up through the loss of loved ones and cheered each other on through every accomplishment. At the same time, we’ve worked our butts off and are growing into the role of doctor we will be entrusted with before we know it. It’s so cool to see my friends’ eyes light up talking about their rotations. It’s in those moments you know they’ve found their people, and that’s such an incredible feeling. I’m lucky to have so many incredible human beings as my future colleagues. As Christmas approaches, these are a few things on my classmates and my Christmas list.
Kindness:
A little kindness goes a long way. This goes for everyone. You never know what someone else is going through. As trainees, we are tired. Many of us are homesick and haven’t seen our families in months or even years. We are all trying the best we can to learn about our patients and do a good job caring for them while juggling the challenges of learning new systems from week to week. An encouraging word, a little grace and actionable suggestions for growth make an incredible difference. They demonstrate to us as trainees that you care for us as human beings and as your future colleagues. At the same time, stress and fatigue can negatively impact how we treat others, leading us to act in ways that are contrary to the values we hold. Medicine is a team sport. We are all valuable members of the healthcare team, from the attending physician to the social worker to the patient. We need to stick together and be there for one another. We discussed the topic of microaggressions during our class meeting earlier this week. Fatigue and burnout are two factors that have been associated with increased frequency of these behaviors. Acknowledging this is one small step toward changing our culture and fostering an environment that supports trainees in not only their education, but also in all aspects of their lives.
Patience:
Third year is full of surprises. Things won’t go as planned and accepting that fact is crucial to thriving on the wards. The more adaptable you are, the less stressful rotations will be. You’ll get along with some teams great and others not so much. You may find that your original specialty choice is not as great of a fit as you thought. Life will happen and that’s okay. You might forget a meeting. You’ll most certainly not ask all of the right questions, but that’s the point. You’re there to learn. No one expects you to have all of the answers, but they expect you to try. As long as the above is being practiced, it doesn’t have to feel like the end of the world. You will grow and improve over time and that’s what’s important. As we start to look toward the next year, we will begin choosing our specialties and the residency programs to which we will apply. I’m both excited and anxious to see what the future will hold. I’m fairly certain now that Med-Peds is the path for me, which is a bit of a leap of faith. We don’t have a Med-Peds program at my medical school, so I will need to do rotations elsewhere to confirm that it’s right fit. It’ll be exciting traveling, seeing how other hospital systems operate and finding out what I value in a residency program. I know myself well and trust the insight of those who know me best, so I know in the end I’ll make the right decision
Humility:
Keep me humble. There is so much I don’t know, and I am continuing to learn every day. Overconfidence leads to errors and those can have drastic consequences. At the same time, we are human and need to grant one another grace. The important thing is learning from one’s mistakes. As medical students, we are acutely aware that we are being evaluated constantly. We are stuck on the edge between knowing our limits and working to appear confident as well as competent. Daily, I’m torn between wanting to be right, so I’m seen as smart, and craving the space to push the limits of my knowledge. By independently creating my own assessments and plans for patients, I can begin to function more and more like the doctor I will soon be. Isn’t the goal of medical school to prepare yourself to be able act as an intern on day one of residency? As a woman, not only do we have to navigate these obstacles, but we also work harder to obtain the same respect as our male colleagues. We are often perceived as either not confident and therefore not competent, or as too intense and then told to “tone it down”. We need confident, assertive and passionate women in medicine. However, one doesn’t need to be loud or aggressive to be competent. Quiet, steady leadership is equally as effective. I’m not the loudest person in the room and that’s not going to change any time soon. I do, however, know who I am and what I stand for. My family has always had the saying that “Tich’s are leaders. Not followers.” I’m still working out what my leadership style will look like, but I do know everyone on my team will be valued. I’m fiercely loyal and will always have their back.
In one more week, I will be finished with half of my rotations and on a plane home. I am so ready to laugh with and be surrounded by my family. My dad shows his love by making sure everyone’s fed and cooking up a storm, so I’ll probably be 10 pounds heavier when I get back, but it will be so worth it! I can’t wait.
“Give thanks for blessings every day. Every day. Embrace gratitude. Encourage others. It’s impossible to be grateful and hateful at the same time.”
Denzel Washington
This year has been a whirlwind to say the least and I can’t believe that it’s now December. Next week we will be talking about planning our 4th years and I can only imagine the existential dread that will be filling our lecture hall. Where has the time gone? I’m grateful this Thanksgiving weekend to be healthy. I’m thankful that I have a faith and support system that see me through both the good times and the bad. This week, I had the chance to relax, recharge and think about the many blessings in my life. I thought I would share just a few with you.
My family- You are my rocks. I am where I am today because of you. You’re my biggest cheerleaders and my voices of reason. You keep me grounded, humble and your constant support means more than I could ever say. You remind me that I’m stronger than I think and that I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to. I probably call way more than I should, but you put up with me anyway because you love me and those are the rules! I promise all I want is to let you know I’m doing fine and share the cool stuff I get to do, plus then I can make sure everyone at home is okay too. We’ve had enough excitement for five lifetimes these past few years that’s for sure. I love you bunches and can’t wait to be home for Christmas!
My friends- You make this crazy thing called life so much fun. Whether we met just a few months ago or have known each other ten years, it’s so nice to know I have people who will always have my back. I hope you know I would do the same for you in a heartbeat! To my friends from home, thank you for reminding me that I have other interests than medicine. It’s so refreshing to take off the medical student hat sometimes and just be a person. Even when we don’t see each other for months or even years, we always seem to pick up right where we left off. That’s so rare. I don’t want to ever lose that. To my friends from medical school, there are no words to describe what it means having friends who are down in the trenches with you. It’s so reassuring having people by your side who understand exactly what you’re going through, who have shared the same struggles, triumphs and fears. Your witty humor and quirky personalities make these long weeks so much fun, but it’s your kindness and genuineness that I treasure most of all. I can’t wait to see what great things we are going to do. Don’t ever change!
My mentors- I would not be who I am today without the people who have helped me along the way. Your encouraging words, thoughtfulness including me in projects, commitment to giving students a seat at the table, and guidance navigating the often-hidden path of developing a career in medicine make such a difference. You probably see these things as just part of your routine. Trust me, I’ve lived for 27 years with a mother who has made a tremendous impact in early childhood education, but to her she’s just doing her job. Believe me when I say that all you do for us means so much more than you think. While I’m grateful for those who take time to teach about topics we’ve encountered, I learn just as much seeing you effectively lead the team and advocate for your patients. When you admit that you’re human and have room to grow, you show that learning new things is never below us. Seeing you balance family, work and other passions shows us we can have a full and rewarding life apart from medicine. One day, I will be entrusted to lead a team. If I can put into practice even half of what you’ve taught me, I just might be okay. Until then, I will strive to be the best student I can.
Tomorrow I begin three weeks on the pediatric hospitalist team. Let the countdown to Christmas begin.
The Music of Medicine 