“When the dreams you’re dreaming come to you. When the work you put in is realized. Let yourself feel the pride, but always stay humble and kind.”🎤

Humble and Kind by Tim McGraw

This song is one of my favorites. It came on the radio this afternoon for the first time in a while, and it was the perfect way to end an awesome week. Have I mentioned lately how much I’m enjoying my pediatrics rotation? Working with my friends in the newborn nursery these past few days was a blast. We got to work with one of the residents I met during my elective rotation and clicked with immediately and lucked out having an attending physician who truly made our experience special. To paint you a picture of my nursery rotation, we ended up giving our attending homework to watch the Harry Potter movies on day one or two, after we somehow got on the subject and found she only had watched the first movie. We obviously couldn’t stand for such blasphemy. Needless to say, there’s a great deal of truth to the saying “Time flies by when you’re having fun.”

There are so many reasons I appreciated this week. Our attending provided structure to our day, took the time to teach us as well as answer questions, and was incredibly approachable. It was seriously difficult to be nervous presenting patients to her. She encouraged our curiosity by having us choose topics to teach the team each morning and emphasized that we all have something to learn every day. I ended up talking about neonatal hypoglycemia, sepsis and retinopathy of prematurity, and learned a great deal from my classmates about everything from newborn screenings to neonatal abstinence syndrome. The most rewarding part of this week was that we got to spend time with cute babies, educate new moms about what to expect with their newborns and make sure the family was set up for success leaving the hospital. We also attended deliveries. After going through my OBGYN rotation, finally getting to be on the other side of the operating room with team baby was incredible. I certainly couldn’t help but think of my nephew this week and how grateful I am that he’s growing well and healthy. I can’t begin to tell you how much I’m looking forward to four weeks from now when I get to fly home and spend time with him and the rest of my family for Christmas.

In other news, I’ve been using my free time to work on the manuscript I wrote with my research mentors for the Summer Scholars project I completed first year. This week, I got news that it was accepted for publication and I am thrilled. It’s an incredible feeling to see your hard work pay off, and I can’t wait to see the final product. Who would have thought that I would end up a published author? I certainly never thought that research was something I would do or even enjoy. I hated the idea of bench research and didn’t fully grasp the many other forms research could take. Choosing a question based on something you already are doing and collecting data based on that was one of the best pieces of advice I’ve gotten in medical school. Once you realize you don’t have to reinvent the wheel, things become much simpler and research doesn’t seem so daunting. Now that this project is winding down, I am excited to diving into other projects that are in the works and seeing where they lead me.

Next week, I’m back in clinics again until Thanksgiving. I’m looking forward to a nice break before I brave three weeks on the wards! Let’s hope I don’t get sick, but let’s be honest my odds aren’t that great. Maybe I can wait until I’m home to crash and burn? Whelp, here’s to hoping!

“The two most important days in life are the day you were born, and the day you find out why.”

Mark Twain

This week was the first official week of my pediatrics rotation. I had the opportunity to work in both endocrinology and general pediatrics clinics this week and was absolutely in my element. It’s amazing how quickly time passes when you’re included in patient care and how much fun you can have when you find that area that just feels natural. I got to push my limits by trying my hand at patient and caregiver education, which I really hadn’t had an opportunity or been trusted to do before. I finally am getting to do what I do best, talk to people. Not just about medicine and why they’re in the hospital, or what their current health status is, but about their hopes and dreams and goals for life. I’ve seen adorable toddlers who run around pointing at the photos on our ID badges and boop me on the nose. I’ve seen the priceless looks on tiny future doctors faces when they hear their heartbeats through my stethoscope. I’ve earned the gratitude of parents when I reinforce lessons about consent they are teaching at home. Seriously, where else can I introduce kids to the magic of Harry Potter and give parents the perfect idea for a Christmas gift at the same time? I could go on forever.

As much as I am fascinated by normal development (Thanks Mav man for being my reference for all of the baby/toddler milestones!), I love a good challenge as well and see myself taking care of kids with complex medical histories as an endocrinologist in the future. Just this last week, I’ve gotten to learn about everything from normal development to short stature and pituitary adenomas and am just as hooked as I was that first day shadowing my own doctor as a bright-eyed college student back home in Minnesota. One of the endocrine attendings and I spent the better part of an afternoon googling information, trying to piece together a patient’s unique presentation and talking about the importance of helping patients transition to adult medicine.

Days like these fill me with energy. I’ve always been a mystery lover and probably had 50 Nancy Drew books as a kid. For me, one of the things I love most about medicine is that each patient comes to you with a unique mystery that you get to solve every day. To solve that mystery, you need to ask the right questions and gather the appropriate information. You only can do that successfully if you’ve built rapport with the patient and family. That’s where the power of relationships comes into play. If patients don’t trust you, they won’t tell you everything you need to know and most certainly won’t care about your recommendations. Communication is key and something everyone can work on. I’ll get to exercise my communication muscles again next week as I spend time in the newborn nursery educating moms on what to expect with a new baby. Until then, I’m going to enjoy Friendsgiving with classmates, maybe do some studying and bask in the validating glow of knowing I’ve found my people.

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.”

Brad Meltzer

This past week, I’ve been continually reminded how blessed I am. It’s an honor to wake up learn how to do something I love every day. Though each day can be long and challenging, they are rewarding at the same time. One thing that is certain is that I love being around kids and it’s been a blast working in a children’s hospital. Where else can you just stop what you’re doing and play Mario Kart with your patient for a half-hour? Seriously, how can you say no a little 5 year old when he’s all adorable and asks if you would stay and play with him? Though this week had it’s challenges, it’s also had it’s positives and I’ve learned a ton. I’ve worked with some great residents who took the time to encourage me, provide helpful feedback and make me feel included in the team. Our attendings also took time from their busy days to teach us about various topics related to their specialties.

One of our attendings recently told a story about a patient who kept coming into the hospital for episodes of fainting and no one knew why. With some clever detective work and the right questions, he discovered the patient was being bullied and had figured out if she took enough of a medication, she would be able to leave school, even if it meant going to the hospital. That story will stick with me for a while. Not only is it an excellent reminder of the importance of perseverance and taking the time to listen to your patients, it also is a stark reminder that you never truly know what someone’s going through until you ask. I would be completely lost without my support system behind me every step of the way. Sadly, many people lack these crucial supportive relationships.

It breaks my heart to see young, innocent children faced with traumatic experiences like bullying or abuse or neglect. We saw another patient recently who was placed into foster care and his whole world is about to change. Thankfully, the family happened to be known to our attending, which was incredibly reassuring, and it sounds like it will be an excellent match. It’s so difficult to even imagine what this kid was thinking or feeling because my own life has been so radically different. That’s probably why asking about trauma or even struggles at home can be difficult. When you haven’t had those experiences, they’re not at the front of your mind, but that’s exactly why we need to talk about these things. I promise you they’re very real to our patients, so we need to know what’s going on in our patients’ lives. Only with that knowledge are we able to intervene and advocate for them appropriately.

These last six weeks on my career exploration rotation have been such a great experience. I’ve learned a lot about life, how the hospital works and myself in the bargain. Everywhere around me I’m reminded of the power of team work, clear communication and listening to your patients. The power of advocacy and fighting for your patients also can’t be understated. I can’t wait to build these skills as I grow in my career and confidence in my abilities. I still am not crystal clear about where or what kind of programs I want to apply to for residency, but I am more clear about how I want to practice medicine in the future and that’s a start. My official pediatrics rotation starts Monday and I can’t wait to explore the field more with a great group of classmates.

“Respect is earned, Honesty is appreciated. Trust is gained. Loyalty is returned.”

Auliq Ice

“Wanna know a secret? I used to have to give myself a shot every day too.” Various scenes and versions of this response have played over and over in my head ever since I decided to become a doctor. This week, imagination became reality. I was checking on my patient who had been newly diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes after rounds and began chatting with the family. Everything was still fresh and there was a great deal to process, so naturally the adjustments that everyone would need to make came up. They began talking to the patient about how they were going to need to take shots for the rest of their life and the words just spilled out of my mouth. I didn’t want my patient to feel alone, because it can be so easy for patients to feel like they’re the only ones in the world navigating their particular challenges. That’s probably why there’s a support group for anything you could think of these days. Knowing you are not in this alone and that you have a team behind you can be so powerful.

The attending endocrinologist we worked with this week was incredible. She fiercely advocates for her patients and won’t take no for an answer. She also doesn’t hesitate to take the time to sit with families, meeting them where they are, and provide education or answer questions that arise. That same passion transferred to her interactions with us as trainees. She took time, both during and outside of rounds, to go over various topics and her enthusiasm was contagious. She would correct any misunderstandings we had about the treatment plan, but also was free with her praise, telling us at the end of the week that she appreciated how we knew our patients well and made an effort to look up from our notes to have a conversation. There was a mutual respect between us, which fueled our desire to meet the high standards she set. In a way, she reminded me of my karate instructor growing up. We all admired him and there was no doubt he cared about us as well. He pushed us to live up to our potentials and we fought to reach them because we wanted to do well for him.

This attending was particularly inspiring because she went beyond the medicine, putting things into perspective by illustrating the social barriers facing patients. For example, she talked about the exorbitant cost of insulin, the factors that play into the pricing and how people are literally dying because they can’t afford their medication. I could feel my blood boiling along with her as she expressed her frustration. I remember thinking: This is why I went into medicine. I want to fight for patients when they can’t fight for themselves. I want to educate and empower patients and families to become self-advocates. I want to pass on what I’ve learned to those who come after me. Seeing this modeled in different ways in the hospital is inspiring. Whether it’s challenging the hidden curriculum, pushing back against “Step 1 mania” or advocating for patients, people are out there fighting for change. With some stubborn determination and a healthy dose of sass, maybe we can make some headway. We make a bigger impact than we think. What seems like a small moment to us might just be a pivotal moment to someone else. Let’s be present for it.

“Do not wait for someone else to come and speak for you. It’s you who can change the world.”

Malala Yousafzai

This week was the last week of my pediatric pulmonology rotation, which culminated in yesterday’s regional AMWA conference hosted by friends at my medical school. I’ve been inspired in so many ways and left with several life lessons to remember for the future.

Lesson 1: Take up space. You belong here.

Third year is exciting, yet awkward in many ways. In some situations, there is the time and structure to be able to interview and examine patients, assist with procedures and help in other small ways. In others, particularly in the clinic setting, the pace is fast and preceptors are pulled in so many different directions that it is easier to have students observe the interview and examine the patient together. When I’m able to see patients and be of help, I feel like a valued member of the team and that my contributions are important. I am able to learn through practice and see my skills progress as I work toward becoming a competent physician. In a shadowing role, I’m learning what I can by observing what’s going on around me, while also trying to stay out of the way. These experiences provide different learning opportunities, chances to learn about the art of communication and to see there is so much more to patients than their charts convey.

I do wonder, however, whether that all too common feeling like you are quite literally taking up space in a crowded exam room or that you are wasting precious time practicing your interview skills just serves to perpetuate imposter syndrome. I’m a pretty understanding person and feel like I can adapt to most situations, so I generally just go with the flow. However, if I’m completely honest, there have been times where I’ve felt like I’m in the way and having a student onboard was an inconvenience to preceptors. Hearing the panelists yesterday reminding us loud and clear that we belong here, that we have every right to take up space and demand a seat at the table, felt incredibly validating. Being included in committee meetings or invited to observe a procedure or patient conferences may seem insignificant, but is appreciated more than attendings may recognize. When I have a team to lead and students to mentor in the future, I hope to create an environment where no student feels they are in the way and each team member feels their contributions is valued. Learning and patient care will both be priorities because it is our responsibility as physicians to pass on what we have learned to the next generation.

Lesson 2: Don’t be afraid to ask for something. You are valuable and worth it.

One of the themes yesterday was knowing your value. We are so conditioned to not rock the boat that we don’t ask for what we need. One of the panelists yesterday told this incredible story about how each time her husband’s contract was being renewed and other institutions wanted to recruit him, they would ask for something new. Each time, their requests were granted, even to the point of having her entire medical school education paid for. My grandfather started a business with my dad soon after I was born and one of his sayings was always that anything is for sale if the price is right. Growing up, whenever I would debate whether to ask for something at work or school, my dad would remind me that they worst that could happen is that my answer is no and I go back to doing what I was already doing. Therefore, there’s no harm in trying. Several years ago, my mom took a chance on applying to a job that listed a masters degree as a necessary qualification. She was pleasantly surprised to be offered an interview and then shocked when she was eventually offered the job, despite not fulfilling that requirement. So many women pass on applying for positions they feel unqualified for, whereas men in the same position are more likely to try anyway. There were certainly plenty of research positions I looked at during my gap years that I wouldn’t even bother with because they asked for years of experience I didn’t have. In a few years, when I come to the negotiating table and have the opportunity to make an ask, I will be bold and ask for what I’m worth. I owe myself that much.

Lesson 3: Your goals and values can change over time and that’s ok. A change in course can lead to something new and exciting that will help you grow.

From complete career changes to taking on different roles, there are so many ways to build a career. Yesterday’s speakers have done it all, from practicing as clinical psychologists to making impacts on a global level through various initiatives. It is helpful to be reminded that we aren’t stuck in one place and that there is always room to change and grow. As we go through life, our priorities and goals will necessarily change. There’s nothing wrong with that. Right now, I’m only able to envision myself doing what I came to medical school to learn to do, take care of patients. In the future, I may decide that I want to teach or take on more of a leadership role as a clerkship or residency director. Who knows, maybe I’ll be a dean when I grow up! Having the flexibility to adapt your career to those changing goals is key, as is surrounding yourself with mentors and sponsors who will support and promote you as you grow in your career. I know I’ve mentioned how important mentorship is on several occasions but it truly can’t be overstated. Medicine, like life, is a team sport. You can’t do it on your own. With a squad of friends and family who always have your back and the help of others who have been where you want to go, you can’t go wrong. Chances are, you’ll end up somewhere you ever expected, but it will be so worth it!

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, Nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”

Dr. Seuss

This past week has energized me in so many ways. As part of my rotation, I had a meeting to discuss my residency application portfolio last week. It felt great to be reassured that I’m on the right path and to make a plan for moving forward. I’m glad that I’ve had the time these past few weeks to think about how I want to practice medicine and who I want to be as a doctor. The longer I’m in the hospital, the more apparent it becomes that communication and the ability for a team to work together are vital to a patient’s care. Maintaining clear lines of communication between patients and the team is crucial for building trust. Receiving different messages from different sources can be extremely frustrating for everyone involved. It sends a message that people aren’t communicating with one another and are most certainly not listening. Involving patients and families in the discussion and coordinating with the entire team to establish a shared plan can go a long way for clearing up confusion and making sure everyone’s on the same page.

We had a patient this week with complex medical needs whose mom had been receiving differing messages from various members of her child’s team. She came into the clinic exasperated and desperate for answers. While we couldn’t give any concrete explanations for her daughters medical issues, my preceptor did what others had not. She listened to the mother’s concerns and asked how she could best be of help. She reassured her that she would be there with her every step of the way. She would support and advocate for her and her child in whatever capacity was needed. Immediately, the mom breathed a sigh of relief and visibly relaxed, thankful to finally be heard. While they might take more time, encounters like these are infinitely more productive and rewarding. Sadly, they aren’t always the norm. It can be easy to get caught up in all of the checklists, paperwork and documentation that need to be completed each day. If we lose sight of what brings meaning to our work or why we’re even doing this to begin with, we lose our purpose. Is there any wonder then that burnout is such an epidemic in so many fields? Though I’m still a student and figuring out what advocacy looks like for me, it’s fulfilling and something I undoubtedly want to embrace in the future.

Like my preceptor, my goal is to fight for my patients, in whatever way they need. At the same time, I want to empower them with knowledge about their treatment and health so they can advocate for themselves. My parents and physicians made sure I participated in and always knew the details of my medical care, so when I took the reins and started going to appointments on my own, I wasn’t clueless and felt confident handling things myself. That transition period is a time when many patients fall through the cracks. They move to a new area for school and can’t find a doctor willing or able to see them. They get kicked off of their parent’s insurance at age 26 and can no longer afford their medication, but no one asks or takes the time to follow up. They get labeled as drug seeking or written off as making up stories when they’re truly sick, but no one is listening. These, among others, are real systemic issues people face that keep them from seeking medical care. There is certainly no great answer and there are larger societal factors at play that need to shift in order to make any real change. Until then, we can do our best to make a difference one patient at a time. Doesn’t the saying go “be the change you want to see in the world”? I’ve got a long way to go and in some ways am still finding my voice, but I’m stubborn and don’t easily back down from a challenge. Tell me I can’t do something and I’ll turn around and make you eat your words. I may be small, but I pack a punch.

“Sometimes we can only find our true direction when we let the wind of change carry us”. 

Mimi Novic

Today has been another cozy, rainy day in Norfolk. Another day where I am grateful to be healthy and surrounded by the many wonderful people in my life. It is such a blessing having an incredibly supportive family and friends who I know will always have my back. The more people I meet, the more I realize that isn’t universal to everyone. Even though there are empty chairs at family gatherings now, I’m comforted by the promise that we no longer have to say goodbye, but instead can say see you later. As I chase my vocation going through medical school, I’m fortunate to be surrounded with mentors and role models I can look up to. There are so many days I stop in my tracks, taken aback by how fortunate I am to be here. Every day I get to learn how to care for people and am continually amazed by how truly fearfully and wonderfully made we are. As I begin to form my identity professionally, I hope to never lose my personal identity in the process. May I always be a sponge, absorbing everything I can, so I can use that knowledge in service of my patients. We never really are done learning. There’s something to gain from each experience and everyone that crosses our path has something to teach us. We often meet patients and families during the worst times of their lives, and many are understandably angry and afraid. One option would be to respond in frustration. The other to show grace and respond with empathy and compassion. So many people these days are overwhelmed by fatigue, drained on a physical, emotional and spiritual level. Let us look out for one another, never losing sight of what sets our soul on fire.

I love now having cooler weather and the tendency toward change each new season brings. Change is both exciting and scary at the same time. It’s in our nature as humans to want to feel in control, know what is going to happen next and plan for the future. Of course, human nature has rarely ever led us in the right direction. So many of the moments in my life God has showed up most were during big transitions- during times I was unsure of the direction I was supposed to take. I look back and laugh as I think about the crazy process of getting accepted into medical school. I at first was annoyed having to wait after graduating college, but those three years allowed me to grow in confidence and independence. They prepared me to thrive as a medical student. When I was deciding whether to continue to apply after being beaten down time and again with rejections, I asked whether being a doctor was part of the plan for my life. My answer was first acceptance into the masters program I completed, which eventually led to my acceptance into medical school. The school wasn’t my first choice, but I finally was going to get to be a doctor. I was still waiting for an update from EVMS and kept finding myself asking where I was supposed to attend medical school. EVMS was a great fit and I truly felt it was where I was meant go, but summer came and there was still no movement from the waitlist. I thought that must have been my answer, so I prepared to move to a new city. When I then finally told others on Facebook I would be attending the other school, I swear He started laughing and said “I’m just kidding. I have other plans for you.”

Now here I am, in my third year at EVMS and I couldn’t be happier. Each step along the way, I’ve been right where I needed to be at that moment in time. As I approach yet another transition and am beginning to think about residency training, I am again filled with that same, familiar uncertainty. I am trying to keep an open mind about different specialties during my rotations and have no clue where I want to attend residency, but I look forward to seeing which field of medicine I’m drawn to and where life takes me next. Every time fear of the unknown threatens to overwhelm me, I stop and remind myself the path will be revealed to me in time. It might not be a path I planned for or thought I wanted, but it will be the path I need and for that I am grateful.

“Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.”

Margaret J. Wheatley

This week, I started my career exploration rotation, which consists of two weeks dedicated to professional development and four weeks of exploring specialties of our choosing. Coming off of OBGYN, it is nice to have some time to breathe, reflect and think about the future. It’s difficult to believe that, in a few short weeks, we will be halfway done with third year and have to start thinking about residency programs and away rotations. It’s exciting and frightening at the same time. On one hand, I’ve narrowed down that I don’t want to go into a surgical field. On the other, I’ve been saying for so long that I want to go into pediatrics, but when I think about it, I honestly don’t know how I will feel caring for adults. I’ve met some amazing Med-Peds trained physicians who I get along with well. I think I would honestly fit in with them too. I also value the opportunity to follow patients from childhood into adulthood. As a patient, that is something that I would have absolutely loved. It can be such a headache meeting new doctors and not knowing whether you can trust them at first because you don’t have the same history you did with the pediatric team that’s known you since you were three. I don’t have my internal medicine rotation until the spring, so I don’t want to make any decisions until then. In the meantime, I’m grateful to have friends currently applying to Med-Peds programs and can’t wait to catch up with them and hear about their experiences on the interview trail. It’s inspiring seeing the big things they’re doing!

During the interprofessional experience portion of our professional development block, we’ve had the opportunity to meet many members of the healthcare team who are often behind the scenes and who we don’t always have an opportunity to interact with. My time with the radiology technician team was both fun and enlightening. The ladies I shadowed were clearly passionate about their work and experts in their fields. They had a breadth of knowledge of the anatomy they were imaging, were incredibly caring toward their patients and one another, and functioned as a cohesive team. One of the main takeaways I had from this experience is that it is important to give one another grace. It can be easy to become frustrated when it takes hours for a patient to be taken for imaging, but what we don’t know is that there may have been strokes or traumas that came into the ER that needed imaging and took precedence over our ambulatory patient. We don’t know that the team is down 10 people and everyone is working at full capacity. Whatever field I go into, I foresee myself using imaging regularly. Whether they be chest x-rays or echocardiograms, I will be working with radiology technicians on a regular basis and it is helpful to know their roles and needs. If we take the time, for example, to ask the appropriate way to order images we need, we can save everyone time and avoid additional pages later. They know the intricacies behind obtaining these images much better than we do. They’ve gone through two years of schooling for this and have set protocols for a reason. We all are on the same team working toward the same goal of quality patient care, so let’s give one another grace and communicate. It will not only make everyone’s lives easier, but help our patients as well.

One way I’ve seen fostering this spirit of dialogue done well is through multidisciplinary rounds. Different specialties structure their rounds in different ways. Some prefer more traditionally walking from room to room with a large, integrated team of physicians, trainees, nurses, care coordinators, etc. Others choose a format somewhat like speed dating with people moving from group to group, updating the team about shared patients and discussing next steps. Others even include the patient’s family in the conversation, which I think is such a great idea. It’s such a simple concept, yet unsurprisingly not universally practiced. It helps to have many of the parties caring for the patient in the same place at the same time, allowing for exchange of information and ideas, while also promoting a team atmosphere that values the contributions of all members. When I was a scribe in family practice, though I was only there a few months, the way the entire team functioned seamlessly together and supported one another was something that still stands out to me. Wherever I end up, I hope I am able to foster a collaborative environment where everyone is working toward the same goals and feels like an important member of the team. While I’m figuring out the details, I will enjoy the chance to explore new fields and reflect on who I want to become as a physician. I don’t think that process will ever be truly complete, but you can’t grow without feedback or reflection. If all else fails, I’ll remember Robert Frost and know that everything will be okay. The path I choose will be the right one because it will lead to where I’m supposed to be.

“Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Steve Jobs

It’s been a minute since I’ve written on here! I’ve been busy to say the least on the GYN surgery and Labor and Delivery services the last two weeks. The hours have been long and I’ve been drained to say the least by the end of the day, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love getting the chance to talk to patients and hear their stories.

One patient and her young daughter came to triage this week from clinic. As I brought the ultrasound machine back to its station, the daughter’s eyes lit up and she asked me excitedly if she was going to get to see her baby sister today. Mom ended up staying overnight and when I came in the next day, the daughter and her dad were leaving the floor. She recognized me immediately and informed me with so much pride that her baby sister was almost here. My heart literally melted. Another patient came into triage and, on history, I found that she was experiencing contractions that were preventing her from enjoying her video games. We ended up bonding over a mutual love of classic games like Zelda, Crash Bandicoot and Spiro.

These moments are the best part of my day. We work so many long hours and, as students, we essentially pay tuition for the opportunity to learn how to care for patients. It can be easy to feel run down, tired and begin to become disillusioned with the wonderful privilege we have been given. Moments like these make all of the hard work studying, the early hours, the late nights so worth it. I treasure the opportunity to sneak a glimpse into each patient’s life. Every story is so precious and teaches a powerful lesson. When others express frustration toward patients, I have to stop and remind myself there are so many circumstances that are contributing to each patient’s situation. One mom may have several children at home and barely a moment to spare for herself. Others may be working two jobs to make ends meet. If taking a break for 10 minutes every two hours on shift is laughable to many supervisors in working America, how can we expect patients to be able to schedule time off for prenatal appointments? There are so many factors to consider that can be easily forgotten during a busy, hectic day.

The more I’ve had the opportunity to scrub into procedures, the more comfortable I’ve become being in the OR. It’s wild to think that I’ve been able to assist, albeit in small ways, during real life surgeries. Until now, that was something I couldn’t even fathom aside from what I saw in my favorite TV shows. On the same note, the more I’ve been in the OR, the more I am certain that surgery is not for me. I’ve been in several cesarian sections over the last week and, standing on my step stool all scrubbed in and holding instruments in place, I kept being overcome by the urge to drop what I was doing and run over to the pediatric team behind me and check on the baby. Of course I didn’t because hello sterile field, but I could feel my attention being pulled elsewhere. I kept worrying about one of the babies I saw delivered, probably annoying my team now that I think back on it (#sorrynotsorry), so they suggested I call the NICU to check and see how he was doing. Thankfully, they reported he was doing better. Others have always said to pay attention to those feelings, though I never realized how strong those might be. When we got our schedules for the next block and I realized that I get to be at CHKD from October until Christmas, I became giddy! The icing on the cake is that I get to work with several of my good friends and one of my mentors who I respect a great deal. I look forward to being immersed in a new field with so many new things to see and learn. Hello, kids are not tiny adults right? I can’t wait to see the growth I make as I explore and find my tribe.

“At times, our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.”

Albert Schweitzer

Another week has nearly finished. Hurricane Dorian is on its way and forecasted to reach Norfolk tonight. School and clinical duties have been cancelled for us tomorrow and everyone from the area is ready to weather the storm. Being from the Midwest, I am much more comfortable with snow and tornadoes than the possibility of significant flooding. What makes things easier though, is the fact that my friends and I are in this together. Being far from home is so much easier when you have a great support system. Whenever we are dealing with a difficult situation or have exciting news to share, it’s mutually understood that we can vent or brag to one another. One of my friends got an interview for medical school recently, so we went out for pizza to celebrate since we will likely be stranded for a few days. It felt great to get out, relax and catch up with how everyone’s doing.

The further I move through my program, the more gratitude I feel for the privilege to be here learning every day. I got to scrub into my first two surgical cases this week. I was petrified to say the least (I mean have you seen Grey’s Anatomy?), but the preceptor I was working with this week was extremely patient. The scrub techs walked me through everything and made sure I knew what was expected of me. I got to hold clamps out of the way, assist with suturing and got a feeling for what being in the OR is like. Getting to see patients, do procedures and be immersed in the team like this is what I think of when I think of being a doctor. My mom, as usual, is right. There are so few who have the opportunity to experience the things that we do. There are moments like these where that hits me, and I find myself just as in awe as when I first put on my white coat. Getting to put into practice what I’ve learned and continue growing on this journey is such an incredible feeling that words can’t describe.

During clinic yesterday, as my preceptor and I finished seeing a patient and were leaving her room, she thanked him for his time and turned to me. “You get a hug!”, she proclaimed. When I ask her why that was, she replied without skipping a beat “You’re going into medicine, you’re going to need it.” That hug filled me with so much warmth. This is why I love what I get to learn to do every day. Moments like these feed my soul. There are so many uncertainties in life. I don’t know what damage this hurricane will do, where I’ll go for residency or the answer to the ever present dilemma of what to cook for dinner. What I do know, is that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and wouldn’t change any of it for the world.